-"Today is a new start." I keep on repeating to myself, until I reach the door that will lead me somewhere I’m too afraid to know where it leads. I take a deep breath and let my hand rest on the door knob and stay still for what feels like an eternity.
I feel myself turning to get one last glance of the place I am leaving behind, a room so warm, which holds many memories from a past out of reach.
One memory takes over me: images of when I was five start making their way into my mind; I can see my grandma cradling me on her bed, I can feel her hands soothing my hair, I can feel my body relaxing and a rush of peace overwhelms me. I have stopped crying, but I steel have tears drying up on my cheeks. I had been crying due to the loss of a recently acquired golden fish, given to me on my birthday. Suddenly one morning I found him floating on the water in hi fish bowl, and grandma explained that he had left this world to go to the next. She knew exactly how to make me feel better, she embraced me tightly for a few seconds and then whispered in my ear before she let go, she said: -”The only way through of the labyrinth, dear, is to move on and move forward, there is no other way out.”
I didn’t quite get what she meant at the time, but I can understand it now; what happened-happened, there is no way of changing that, you can only move on and move forward, leave the past where it belongs and where it will remain forever. In the past.
I turn to look at the door in front of me, that barrier that protects me from what is waiting on the other side. I stand afraid and unwilling in front of it.
I see the word FUTURE printed in my mind, a very strong word used to define what is yet to come. That six letter word holds many feelings, ones are of fear from the unknown and the lack of information and knowledge that come from it; yet it also holds hope. Hope for change and progress, that will maybe even bring a knew beginning.
But once you dare to go through, you find that nothing is as you expected, you will always be surprised by the outcome, with hat you find on the other side.
Once you understand that it is not what’s on the other side that will cause a change, but what you do with what you find there that will.
I read a book once, called “A great and terrible beauty” by Libba Bray, where a few words stayed on my mind, they read:”There will never be safe choices, just different ones.” It is so very true, there will never be safe choices, there can only be choices, different if you wish, but whichever your choice, there will always come something good and something bad from it. Like my arts teacher once explained, in a painting there has to be a necessary balance of light and shadow, which is very similar with how life is supposed to function.
Choice. The choices you make will affect you in a positive or negative way, but to be more at peace with yourself and the choices you make, you have to be willing to accept the concrescences of that choice, no matter what they are.
Finally, I got the courage to reach for the door knob, give it a twist, push the door open, and with that done and my head cleared; right at that moment I knew I was ready to step into the unknown.
If you could hear my hopes and dreams
You would see
How far I’ve gone in the deep blue sea
Hanging my wishes over my head
Holding them near with a big, thick thread
Keeping them attached to my bosom, instead
Of having to chase them with a loaf of bread
Seeking for pure hearts and happy souls
I ended up with a big, huge bowl
Filled with various amazing things
Wishes and dreams and hopes and wings
Leading the way through the midnight path
Getting to see the other half
I lead them on to a better life
Finding the farmer a suitable wife
Talking the homeless with no regret
Into my household, without any debt
Looking for places for children to fly
Letting them know they can go very high
Their hopes and dreams
Accomplished one day
Will bring back memories
Memories of yesterday
Sharing a walk with the street
Great sorrow in my surroundings
Poverty at my feet
Making me see the warnings
The Earths soul is slowly dying
I can’t hear its inner fire growling
Making a hole in my heart
Piercing my ears with great art
Filled with sorrow
Waiting for the morrow
Filled with greave
Not knowing if the world will heave
All the wrong being done
Has made me shift realities
I wish it were all gone
Wish it were a mere illusion
I've hit a wall, and seem to be glued to it!
This has been my work through out the years.
My dad recently told me about an old show that he used to whatch when he was young, he specifically told me about a chapter in which the mane character brakes a pocket watch that has the power to stup time, so he gets stuck in time. Well I wish that could happen to me, I feal in need of capturing time, i feal it slipping through my fingers. Or like the mad Hatter, in Alice in Wonderland said: "If you kept in good terms with him (time), he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to be gin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner!". Time is not in good terms with me apparently, beceause i seem to be running out of time to do things, I feal I can't keep up.
Today is a new start, I keep on repeating to myself, until I reach the door that will lead me somewhere I’m too afraid to know where it leads, I take a deep breath and let my hand rest on the door knob and stay still for what feels like an eternity.
I feel myself turning to get one last glance of the place I am leaving behind, a room so warm, which holds many memories from a past out of reach.
One memory takes over me, images of when I was five start making their way into my mind, I can see my grandma cradling me on her bed, I can feel her hands soothing my hair, I can feel my body relaxing and a rush of peace overwhelms me, I have stopped crying, but I steel have tears drying up on my cheeks. I had been crying due to the loss of a recently acquired golden fish, given to me on my birthday, suddenly one morning I found him floating on the water in hi fish bowl, and grandma explained that he had left this world to go to the next. She knew exactly how to make me feel better, she embraced me tightly for a few seconds and then whispered in my ear before she let go, she said:”The only way through of the labyrinth, dear, is to move on and move forward, there is no other way out.” I didn’t quite get what she meant at the time, but I can understand it now, what happened, happened, there is no way of changing that, you can only move on and move forward, leave the past where it belongs and where it will remain forever, in the past.
I turn to look at the door in front of me, that barrier that protects me from what is waiting on the other side. I stand afraid and unwilling in front of it.
I see the word FUTURE printed in my mind, a very strong word used to define what is yet to come, that six letter word holds many feelings, ones are of fear from the unknown and the lack of information and knowledge that come from it, but it also holds hope, hope for change and progress, that will maybe even bring a knew beginning.
But once you dare to go through, you find that nothing is as you expected, you will always be surprised by the outcome, with hat you find on the other side.
Once you understand that it is not what’s on the other side that will cause a change, but what you do with what you find there, is.
I read a book once, called “A great and terrible beauty” by Libba Bray, where a few words stayed on my mind, they read:”There will never be safe choices, just different ones.” It is so very true, there will never be safe choices, there can only be choices, different if you wish, but whichever your choice, there will always come something good and something bad from it. Like my arts teacher once explained, in a painting there has to be a necessary balance of light and shadow, which is very similar with how life is supposed to function.
Choice. The choices you make will affect you in a positive or negative way, but to be more at peace with yourself and the choices you make, you have to be willing to accept the concrescences of that choice, no matter what they are.
Finally, I got the courage to reach for the door knob, give it a twist, push the door open, and with that done and my head cleared, right at that moment I knew I was ready to stop into the unknown.
