-"Today is a new start." I keep on repeating to myself, until I reach the door that will lead me somewhere I’m too afraid to know where it leads. I take a deep breath and let my hand rest on the door knob and stay still for what feels like an eternity.
I feel myself turning to get one last glance of the place I am leaving behind, a room so warm, which holds many memories from a past out of reach.
One memory takes over me: images of when I was five start making their way into my mind; I can see my grandma cradling me on her bed, I can feel her hands soothing my hair, I can feel my body relaxing and a rush of peace overwhelms me. I have stopped crying, but I steel have tears drying up on my cheeks. I had been crying due to the loss of a recently acquired golden fish, given to me on my birthday. Suddenly one morning I found him floating on the water in hi fish bowl, and grandma explained that he had left this world to go to the next. She knew exactly how to make me feel better, she embraced me tightly for a few seconds and then whispered in my ear before she let go, she said: -”The only way through of the labyrinth, dear, is to move on and move forward, there is no other way out.”
I didn’t quite get what she meant at the time, but I can understand it now; what happened-happened, there is no way of changing that, you can only move on and move forward, leave the past where it belongs and where it will remain forever. In the past.
I turn to look at the door in front of me, that barrier that protects me from what is waiting on the other side. I stand afraid and unwilling in front of it.
I see the word FUTURE printed in my mind, a very strong word used to define what is yet to come. That six letter word holds many feelings, ones are of fear from the unknown and the lack of information and knowledge that come from it; yet it also holds hope. Hope for change and progress, that will maybe even bring a knew beginning.
But once you dare to go through, you find that nothing is as you expected, you will always be surprised by the outcome, with hat you find on the other side.
Once you understand that it is not what’s on the other side that will cause a change, but what you do with what you find there that will.
I read a book once, called “A great and terrible beauty” by Libba Bray, where a few words stayed on my mind, they read:”There will never be safe choices, just different ones.” It is so very true, there will never be safe choices, there can only be choices, different if you wish, but whichever your choice, there will always come something good and something bad from it. Like my arts teacher once explained, in a painting there has to be a necessary balance of light and shadow, which is very similar with how life is supposed to function.
Choice. The choices you make will affect you in a positive or negative way, but to be more at peace with yourself and the choices you make, you have to be willing to accept the concrescences of that choice, no matter what they are.
Finally, I got the courage to reach for the door knob, give it a twist, push the door open, and with that done and my head cleared; right at that moment I knew I was ready to step into the unknown.