This has been my work through out the years. I'm about to turn 18, and I'm not so happy about it. I guess everyone goes through a crisis at some point, and I guess mine was just to soon. 18, every single person I know, makes 18 the big year, but I guess for me it's just one more out of the 80 or 100 I'm going to live. So this collection is just to conmemorate my life so far, and make myself understand that I still have time, I have a life infront of me, Well dahh!! Of couse.
During the summer while I was visiting my aunt in Monroe, which is in Washington, two hours from Seattle, I volonteered as a care taker for young teens, in a teen center event, in the YMCA.
I got attached to a "manga" magazine called WITCH, for a some time, and while it lasted, I got inspired by the drawings, and decided to make my own.
A friends cousin, me and my friend got inspired and we all drew whatever came to our minds at thet precise moment, and this is what came out of mine.
A friend and I came up with this style, well we might not have created it, but we came up with it on our own. To bad that the first drawing of these that I did is probably in the garbedge by now.
This was one of my first perspective drawings, it's not the normal, usual perspective we have of things, but I guess thats how I persived the world at the time.
Starting with rhis one, which is the eldest of my projects, all because I have no memory of where the rest might be. ->
My dad recently told me about an old show that he used to whatch when he was young, he specifically told me about a chapter in which the mane character brakes a pocket watch that has the power to stup time, so he gets stuck in time. Well I wish that could happen to me, I feal in need of capturing time, i feal it slipping through my fingers. Or like the mad Hatter, in Alice in Wonderland said: "If you kept in good terms with him (time), he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to be gin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half past one, time for dinner!". Time is not in good terms with me apparently, beceause i seem to be running out of time to do things, I feal I can't keep up.
I'm in a doorless room, with no way out. I'm stuck somewhere i don't want to be, but can't even seem to find a window to bring some light or fresh air to the dark, small room that seeks to keep me traped for eternety. I guess if I would have eternety i wouldn't have this problem, if time was on my side, I would not feal so demolished, if resent events in my life weren't so insatisfactory, and if I could understand how to reach my hole potential, I could end this agony, this passionless life of mine, with a lot to give, but is locked up somewhere inside of me, under a locked door, and of which I don't own the key.The path fool of fog will have to clear up sooner or later, because the sun doesen't give up so easilly, so I'm just waiting for that ray of light to give me hope, and make me find my path through the fog.
Today is a new start, I keep on repeating to myself, until I reach the door that will lead me somewhere I’m too afraid to know where it leads, I take a deep breath and let my hand rest on the door knob and stay still for what feels like an eternity.
I feel myself turning to get one last glance of the place I am leaving behind, a room so warm, which holds many memories from a past out of reach.
One memory takes over me, images of when I was five start making their way into my mind, I can see my grandma cradling me on her bed, I can feel her hands soothing my hair, I can feel my body relaxing and a rush of peace overwhelms me, I have stopped crying, but I steel have tears drying up on my cheeks. I had been crying due to the loss of a recently acquired golden fish, given to me on my birthday, suddenly one morning I found him floating on the water in hi fish bowl, and grandma explained that he had left this world to go to the next. She knew exactly how to make me feel better, she embraced me tightly for a few seconds and then whispered in my ear before she let go, she said:”The only way through of the labyrinth, dear, is to move on and move forward, there is no other way out.” I didn’t quite get what she meant at the time, but I can understand it now, what happened, happened, there is no way of changing that, you can only move on and move forward, leave the past where it belongs and where it will remain forever, in the past.
I turn to look at the door in front of me, that barrier that protects me from what is waiting on the other side. I stand afraid and unwilling in front of it.
I see the word FUTURE printed in my mind, a very strong word used to define what is yet to come, that six letter word holds many feelings, ones are of fear from the unknown and the lack of information and knowledge that come from it, but it also holds hope, hope for change and progress, that will maybe even bring a knew beginning.
But once you dare to go through, you find that nothing is as you expected, you will always be surprised by the outcome, with hat you find on the other side.
Once you understand that it is not what’s on the other side that will cause a change, but what you do with what you find there, is.
I read a book once, called “A great and terrible beauty” by Libba Bray, where a few words stayed on my mind, they read:”There will never be safe choices, just different ones.” It is so very true, there will never be safe choices, there can only be choices, different if you wish, but whichever your choice, there will always come something good and something bad from it. Like my arts teacher once explained, in a painting there has to be a necessary balance of light and shadow, which is very similar with how life is supposed to function.
Choice. The choices you make will affect you in a positive or negative way, but to be more at peace with yourself and the choices you make, you have to be willing to accept the concrescences of that choice, no matter what they are.
Finally, I got the courage to reach for the door knob, give it a twist, push the door open, and with that done and my head cleared, right at that moment I knew I was ready to stop into the unknown.
This has been my work through out the years.
